The Rest Cannot Wait

I have gotten nothing accomplished so far today – and it is okay. It is more than okay. I am certain it is divinely ordered.

I have been preoccupied this week. Not having a steady income, wondering how far I can make the income I do have stretch, has caused me to outright loose my mind. All I do is obsess with how to make a buck. I have registered to drive for Uber, Lyft, and now Door Dash. I have been trying to figure out what times of day will make me the most money – how much I spend on gas per mile, and how much I need to make each day to reach certain goals. I have convinced myself that I am doing a good thing – staying on task, working hard, being productive and smart – until a “real” job comes along. But the truth is – nothing is further from the truth.

This morning during my prayer time, Bailey (my dog) and Ray Ray (my kitten) were vying for my attention. When they get out of hand, I go sit outside to pray. Ray Ray loves to play, and Bailey loves to simply sit and be. They both are content outside and leave me alone for focus on prayer.

Today, I realized that I could not stay focused even with my girls occupied elsewhere. My mind kept wandering to today’s schedule. I planned to start Door Dash. There was even an extra $2.00 per delivery bonus if I worked certain hours this morning.

I contemplated when to work tonight. Supposedly, weekend evenings are the best. Food delivery is supposed to be good from 5pm – 9pm. Weekend warriors are supposed to be good from 6pm – 3am. Having been married to a drunk, I know they tip much better when they are tipsy.

(I use the word drunk instead of alcoholic on purpose – not to offend. My ex used to say he was a drunk – alcoholics get help – drunks drink.)

Okay, so I had a moral dilemma about picking up drunks. I would, if I chose to work these late hours, be taking advantage of their inebriated state. Right? Then again, I am keeping them safe by driving for them. Also, could it be a witness opportunity? Possibly?

To be honest, I do not feel like it would be a bad thing to pick up drunks. My heart is in the right place with them.

What does bother me is the obsession. The love of money is the root of all evil. It is still possible to love money when I have almost none. I cannot serve two masters. I will love the one and hate the other.

This morning, God reminded me of this. Trying to read scripture, but all I could think about was how to make money. I have sinned.

I prayed a half-hearted prayer for God to help me focus and tried again. My heart remained far from Him.

From the corner of my eye, I saw a red bird land on a decorative fence post. I stopped and watched. I have written before about what the cardinal means to me. “You have my attention,” I said. I watched him flutter around. Such a beautiful creature.

He flew away but stayed close. He flew into the tree, then landed on the grass, hopping around without a care in the world. I saw Ray Ray watching him. She crouched down and began her slow approach toward him – play hunting. The bird resumed his flight, and Ray Ray bolted after him.

Play.

Ray Ray climbed onto the head of our pig statue. She swatted at a moth – so carefree.

Simple pleasures.

Bailey jumped down from her spot next to me. I thought she was ready to go inside. Instead, she took off after Ray Ray. I watched as the two played chase together – my eleven year old rat terrier and two month old kitten.

In the moment.

No where to be. Nothing to do. Pure love.

I look at them now as I sit and type, they are napping together on the floor. A nice nap after lunch. Bellies full. Not a care in the world.

My devotional today spoke of the trouble we cause ourselves when we try to save ourselves. It is impossible and leads to death. My obsession with how to make money is my own way of trying to save myself. Yet, in the process, I was in trouble of losing my soul – forsaking my first love.

After watching my girls enjoy themselves, I was able to refocus. My time with God is so much more productive and rewarding when I am able to focus solely on Him and not on myself.

Take it easy, Renee. Just slow down and be. Play. The rest can wait for another day.