The Deep End

I sometimes find prayer difficult. The more pressure I place on myself about my prayers, the more muddled and superficial they become. The more I long to be a great woman of prayer, the easier it is to convince myself that my desire will sometimes suffice as prayer.

In moments such as this, my heart and my head battle. My heart yearns for the fellowship only true, intimate prayer brings. My head convinces me that it is okay for the worries of the day to distract me from purposeful, intentional prayer. After all, I talk to God all the time throughout the day, and that, in and of itself, is prayer.

Still, I know my head is wrong. In moments like this, I am looking for a graceful way to make myself feel better. But, in my heart of hearts, I know why deliberate, planned prayer is necessary. It is through such prayer that I prepare myself for whatever the day ahead may bring. It gives me time to focus on my needs and the needs of others. It takes my focus off of myself and onto my God. It centers me. It grounds me. It keeps me from sin. It provides the means through which I hear from God.

This morning, I woke up later than normal and struggled to start the day. I found my mind wandering as I read the Bible, and I was unable to shift my focus from my to-do list to the most sacred and important task before me, time with my Father.

I gave myself permission to do other things, specifically to take out the trash before it was too late and clean the pool before it got too hot.

As I sat outside contemplating my decision, I looked at the pool and thought I may not need to clean it today. It looked rather clean and inviting already. Then, when I stood and walked to the edge of the pool, I saw the filth. The winds blew countless leaves and blossoms into the pool, littering both the bottom and the top of the water. A dead frog floated on the surface.

I began the tedious, yet relaxing chore of skimming the top. As I did so, I shared my prayer struggles with God. He used the pool to illustrate the importance and value of prayer.

From a distance, the pool appeared to be blemish free. However, up close, I could see the tiniest of specks floating in the water.

From a distance, we, too, may look flawless, the model of perfect Christianity.  However, we all have our hidden stains and sins, some buried in the deepest parts, and some still floating on the surface.

If I failed to clean the pool, the dirt and debris would eventually rot the pool as bacteria and algae grew, taking over, turning the beautiful blue water green, and making it uninviting and toxic.

If we fail to give God our undivided attention in prayer, if we make excuses for why we fail to pray, the sin we put away a long time ago may resurface and grow. Those things we still struggle with will take root and flourish. We, too, will soon become uninviting and toxic.

Thank You, Father, for reminding me of the importance of my morning prayer time. Thank You, Father, for showing me the sin in making excuses. Thank You, Father, for using this illustration to speak to me.