Praise You in the Storm

I was sure by now, God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
That it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain
I'm with you
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away
And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

These are a few of the lyrics to the song Praise You in the Storm by Casting Crowns. I heard it on my way into work this morning. Although Casting Crowns is my favorite Christian band, I heard this song in a new way this morning. Although my brain is usually only functioning on autopilot at 6:00am, this morning, these words fired all cylindars.

The impact of COVID – still – on life in general and my work at the hospital;

All the loss I have experienced this year already – all non-COVID related – from four deaths in three weeks, ending in Brad’s death, to one of my closest friends moving away.

The political and social unrest – made worse by COVID?

Black Lives Matter

Before Wednesday, the Black Lives Matter protest was only an intellectual and spiritual pursuit – whtat is going on? Why? What should my spiritual response be? How?

Then . . .

At around 3am on Wednesday morning, there was a robbery at a gas station very close to home, a place that has been there my entire life, a place I visit frequently. The clerk was killed. Although I did not know her well, I knew her. We had talked of our shared love of animals, of their endearing and life-giving and healing love. We had that in common.

Before Wednesday morning, nothing like this had ever happened in my little town. Before Wednesday morning, such crimes happened to other people. Sure, it is always tragic, but something is different when it happens in my own backyard to someone I know which effects people I know.

The city Facebook page and Nextdoor site has blown up with comments – so many – too many about the need/want to arm themselves, take out this “bad guy” and be ready to take out anyone else who would dare to try again.

My heart is conflicted. It breaks for the victim’s family. It cries out for justice. It hurts for the community and understands their desire to react with retaliation and their need to do something to feel safe again.

On the flip side, my heart also breaks for the perpetrator. If this had happened a year ago, I doubt I would have felt anything close to empathy, concern, or love for him. However, our world today is nothing like it was one year ago. At least, my life is nothing today like it was one year ago. For many others, maybe even for this man, it may not be that different. This is a reality Black Lives Matter has taught me.

Add to the oppression of those black lives – the results of COVID – and what happened? What anger, fear, hurt, grief, loss could cause a man to rob a store and take a life? Was he desperate for money to feed his family? Had he been out of work because of COVID? Was he about to lose his unemployment because the powers that be could not come up with a solution before time ran out? Did he intend to kill the clerk?

After years of therapy – and renewed/deeper therapy after Brad died, I realize we do nothing without motive. Every action/reaction we make comes from somewhere/something. So, what led to the moment of the early morning hours of Wednesday July 29, 2020? What is going through the mind of the perpetrator now? What will become of him?


Another online complaint is the swiftness with which the business reopened. Most post their disgust, blaming monetary greed. I, however, was thankful for the swift reopening. I saw it as a way to honor the memory and work of the clerk and as a way to show the perpetrator and community that evil has not won. In addition, in today’s economic climate, the other employees most likely cannot afford much time off.

I chose to go yesterday as a way to show my solidarity with the with the community and other employees. I saw it as a way to honor the clerk who loved her job and to check on the welfare of the clerk on duty, let whoever was working know that they are all in my thoughts and prayers.

As I left, I saw a black man about to walk in. My heart broke for him as well. How will he be treated? A masked black man entering a store where a masked black man robbed and killed? What was going through his mind? How will he be/how is he being treated?

I think of my neighbors and how the husband and daughter shared with me how their experiences differ from mine – how people go out of their way to avoid them, either avoiding eye contact or looking at them suspiciously, just because of the color of their skin – how even the police treat him differently. He avoids as much as possible walking in the neighborhood alone – all because of the color of his skin – and he is retired military and Christian. He is a good man. His family are good people. Is he getting strange looks now? Does he need to worry about retaliation even though he had nothing to do with what happened at the gas station? All because of the color of his skin?

I am scared. I know the solution is simple – Jesus – but I cannot make the world choose him, to see their need for him. The hardest thing to break through is anger and fear – and that is the driving force in our world right now.

Trump cannot fix things. Neither is it the fault of the Republican party. Biden cannot make things better. Neither is it the fault of the Democratic party. This is not a political issue which can be fixed by politics – although they certainly have a role to play and I certainly do believe in the democratic process.

This is a heart problem and we each have a part to play.

For me, I know the most powerful weapon is prayer. As far as action goes, the only thing I know to do right now is to continue treating all my neighbors – regardless of skin color – with respect and dignity. I will continue to go to the gas station, walk inside, and speak love to the clerks. I will post my minority responses to the online forums, not to cause debate, but to speak another viewpoint. I have reached out to the city to offer my services as a pastor/chaplain for anyone who needs to process what has happened. For a long, long time I have thought about getting more involved in my community. I think now is the time to start.

I cannot do much, but I can do something - and in the words of Bon Jovi's newest song, "when you can't do what you do, do what you can."

Click HERE to watch Praise You in the Storm video by Casting Crowns

Click HERE to watch Do What You Can video by Bon Jovi