I Am a Turtle

Ever since I took up the hobby of running, I have referred to myself as a turtle – slow and steady, but I always finish the race. Over the years, I have come to see myself as a turtle in other ways as well.

Not only do I run slowly, but I walk slowly as well. Rarely am I in a hurry to get anywhere.

My funny bone is still in its infancy. I laugh, but I am slow to get the joke. 

I may write well, but there is a disconnect between my head and my mouth. The conversion from thoughts to verbal words takes time.

I cannot get to the point of any story. I have a (sometimes) bad habit of getting to my point in a roundabout sort of way. 

As I have eluded to in past blogs, I am slow when it comes to committing to a decision. I have to weigh out everything, painstakingly think through all the options and consequences. Once I settle on a decision, I commit fully, but the process is long and tedious. 

Frankly, everything about me is slow. 

Last night, I had a two-part dream. I was rather upset with my baby girl, Bailey, for waking me up in the middle of a fantastic fantasy dream. After taking her potty, I hoped to pick up where my dream-story had left off. That happens sometimes. Unfortunately, not last night – at least, not in the way I hoped. 

Instead, I had a dream about turtles. As anyone who knows me knows, I love animals – almost all animals – even reptiles (except snakes – they are just plain evil). 

Without going through all the details of the dream, I found ten baby turtles. Had I had the means, I would have kept and raised them all myself. Unfortunately, I live with my dad and I am poor – even in my dream. My dad told me I already had a dog and a cat and I could not keep the turtles – not even one. I needed to find them all homes. 

There were two with whom I was particularly attached. They were inseparable and growing bigger and faster than their siblings. A friend was helping me find homes for these cuties. She made phone call after phone call for me – for them. 

Neither one of us wanted to separate the two special turtles. We wanted to find someone willing to take them both. Everyone wanted the smaller, cuter little turtles. No one wanted to take on the responsibility of both. 

My friend had grown quite attached to the two and decided to adopt them herself – but then she changed her mind. She loved them so much, but she knew she could not give them the care they needed and deserved. “They can live 50 years or longer. I love them, but I can’t make that kind of commitment to them, as much as I want to. They deserve better.”

So, we set off trying to find someone who had the means and desire to commit to them. We found the perfect person. As another person explained, “people from his country revere the turtle. Commitment for the care of turtles means something to his people.”

Then, I woke up. During my morning prayer time, I talked with God about both dreams. It became pretty clear what this dream meant for me. 

I am the two special turtles. They both represent a different part of me. 

Everyone who loves them wants to nurture them together because they see the value each gives to the other and neither would be the same or happy without the other. To break them up would be to kill them. 

Not just anyone can love these special turtles the way they deserve. Love is not enough. Care for them requires love AND a special kind of commitment. 

This man, the one capable of loving and caring for the turtles is a Godly man. He is not just a Christian by name, but he believes in and lives his faith. What makes these turtles so unique and special, requiring a unique kind of commitment, is everything true Christian values stand for – spiritual and physical purity, nurture, care, commitment. 

My study in my M.Div class – Theology and Witness of the Church Mothers – this week has been about the stories of Thecla, Perpetua, and Felicitas. All three women rejected the social norms of their day and suffered the consequences. A lot of our online discussion has been about how gender stereotypes still exist, and the struggles we face especially surrounding topics of modesty and civic engagement. We have had several discussions about sex and relationships. 

These discussions have forced me to think on and remember everything which make me different – both in society at large and even amongst my Christian peers. I’m okay with being different, but I often wish everyone else would be, too, and just let me be. 

This dream reinforces the fact that I am different, but my differences are what make me so extraordinary. Because I am extraordinary, it will take an extraordinary man to love and care for me.

Every time someone “encourages” me to start dating again, I inwardly scream and want to lash out. They don’t get it. They don’t get me. If I simply wanted someone to love, who would love me, that would be easy. I could join an online dating site and find just that. 

No – I want more. I want someone worthy of this turtle. Not just anyone can fill that role. 

In this dream, God used a turtle to remind me how different and how special I am. He also let me know that there is someone out there capable and worthy of loving me.

I can wait. I am in no hurry. As I have often said, I will not settle. I can afford to wait for what I want because I am not afraid to be alone. I will wait for God to drop said man onto my lap. 

After all, I am a turtle. I know how to take things slow.