Don't Walk Away, Renee

I have been thinking a lot lately about something that happened to me back in 2003. My then husband and I moved back to Texas from Tennessee. In the brief time we were here before moving back to Tennessee, I worked as the ninth grade counselor at George Gervin Academy.

A woman who worked in the building across the street came to my office one day for the sole purpose of telling me that she saw Jesus in me. She said that He pressed it upon her heart that she needed to come tell me right then. She was obviously nervous, standing there in the threshold to my office, but she said it again. “When I look at you, I see Jesus.”

As quickly as she came, she turned and walked away. Her confession terrified me. “If only she knew,” I thought to myself. I felt ashamed and frightened.

I felt ashamed because I was not living for Jesus at the time. Sure, I knew who He was and I confessed Him as my Lord and Savior a long, long time ago. We had a relationship, but that relationship had cooled quite a bit.

At that time, my life and marriage were falling apart. I stopped praying because in order to pray, one must be willing and able to confront one’s life and emotions head on. I was unwilling to do so. Therefore, my relationship with God, like all the rest of my life, was suffering.

How could she tell me she saw Jesus in me? I had pushed Him so far away?

I felt scared because I knew what a huge responsibility calling myself a Christian meant. As they say, I may be the only Bible some people ever read. I was not a very accurate or trustworthy Bible to be reading at that time.

Instead of embracing the words that she intended as encouragement, I pulled further and further away from God. I remained in that darkness for several years.

Something terrifying and wonderful happened recently that set me on a course of faith and courage, something that will change my life once again. This something got me to thinking about this moment back in 2003 and how much I have grown spiritually since then.

I find myself running to Jesus instead of running away. I find myself wanting to be real and learn more and to be more.

For the first time in my life, I see how all the seemingly disjointed events in my life fit together, how all the struggles and hard times and pain led to this moment.

My life is a puzzle, and just like a puzzle, there is still work left to do, but I can now see the picture as it was intended to be.

Thank You, God, for every trial of my life, for the Job moments as well as for the moments of celebration. Thank You for never giving up on me even during those dark days when I turned my back on You.

Thank you for sending that woman to my office. Thank You for her faithfulness. I pray, Father, that I never forget and always strive to follow Your lead just as she did, no matter how absurd or scary Your call to action may seem to me. I may never know what one simple word or deed will mean in the life of that other person, but it is enough to remember what her one simple deed has meant for me.