Parable of the Dream

Although I often ask for God to use dreams to speak to me, I rarely receive this type of insightful answer to prayer. When I do, they often come as parables and must be prayed over and thought through before the meaning becomes clear.

This week, I had such a dream. My dream gave voice to a fear I did not consciously realize I had, gave me peace in God’s assurance that all will be well, and even mirrored the Parable of the Sower.

This past Sunday, my pastor made public my call to full-time ministry, after which, I informed my sister and the entire Facebook world. It is more real now. It has been verbalized and approved by the church board, and both church family and biological family have given me their blessing. Many even admitted they were not surprised.

Days later, another pastor, mentor, and friend told me what the next steps were and gave me a warning to pray like I have never prayed before, to seek God as I have never sought Him before, and advised me to begin seeking which direction my ministry path may take. He, too, encouraged me and reminded me of how many people are here for me.

With each passing day, my anxiety level increased until it manifested in physical form – headaches, chest pain, and jaw pain. I even began to wonder if it was anxiety or if I was showing signs of a heart attack.

However, I did not know the cause for the building anxiety. I felt confident and assured of my call and was not consciously stressing over it. Nor did I feel stressed about the future, knowing God would lead me in time. Nor was I even stressing over my income woes. I felt assured that all was in God’s hands and all would be well.

This week, I also volunteered with VBS. Before the beginning of events one evening, I sought out the pastor to discuss this anxiety. He talked with me and the only change that I could even fathom causing it was my recent decision and subsequent announcement. Without time to discuss things in greater detail, I thanked him for listening to me and went about the business of VBS, soon forgetting my anxiety.

That same night, I had a markedly vivid and powerful dream which consumed my thoughts for several days. The meaning was quick to come. After all, even in the dream, right at the tail end, God spoke to the me-character in the dream, calling me to be a leader and telling me that, no matter what happened, we would win.

It was the details which begged for interpretation. As I started piecing the details together, the Parable of the Sower flashed in my mind like a neon OPEN sign flashing bright in the dead of night. In an instant, the dream and the parable overlaid, one upon the other, making the dream, and the parable, make perfect sense. Even better, the message was not a message just for me, but could be for any Christian living in this topsy turvy world of terrorism, violence, division, and political chaos.  

In the dream, I visited a place I once loved and hold dear to my heart, a place where I learned and grew, a place where I excelled and made close friends, a place I often equated with almost heaven on earth. After a long absence, the place had grown and flourished. New buildings sprang up all around. New technologies made this place a community within itself. It was the most advanced, most prestigious, most gorgeous place on the face of the earth. Its spiraling central tower rose high into the air, high above the surrounding landscape.

My first impression was utter awe and pride. I had something to do, even in small part, with the history of this place. I am a part of this grand design.

My first stop was to a bright and airy place at the very pinnacle of the sphere. It was a crowded place, but felt roomy. Everyone there was happy and laughing. The noise was sweet, and although loud, it did not hurt my ears or make it hard to hear those I conversed with.

I noticed everyone there was dressed in bright, light colors, and they were all much older than I. They had not a care in the world. I asked about the rest of the campus and the work of the students. No one cared. They were simply enjoying life as they knew it. They assumed they knew the truth, but did little to investigate. As long as their lively little worlds remained pleasant, nothing else mattered to them.

I looked down the hill and saw a place which seemed darker and less populated. I left the merriment of the retired adults to investigate this other scene. I entered a drab and deserted cowboy bar. People my own age, people I knew well, tended the bar. I asked them the same questions I asked the old-timers. They, however, knew something dark and sinister lurked below the surface. They believed the truth was out there, but they knew the dangers of seeking the truth. They warned me that it was best to not ask questions and to keep to themselves. As long as they didn’t rouse suspicions, they would remain safe.

As I talked with one of my elusive friends, I looked over his shoulder and saw a narrow road leading further downhill. Curious as to what was down there, I said my goodbyes and jogged on down the road. As I entered a dark alley, the road narrowed still further. I jogged past drab cement walls separated by open rusty cell doors. After I jogged to the end of the lane, I heard whispers behind me. I turned around and saw shadows backing up into the safety of the enclosure and heard scared voices whispering to keep still and quiet.

I turned around and jogged back up to my friends. I asked them about these shadows. In explanation, my friend took me outside. He pointed at a large screen towering above all the buildings. Just then, a chime sounded and people robotically exited buildings and stared up at the screen. After the message, those same people turned and walked away, leaving us alone in the open lane.

My friend explained that, no matter how many times a person had heard this message before, it was mandatory that every single person come out at this time every day and listen to the message again as a reminder of the strict rules one must follow in order to live safely and securely in this paradise.

When I laughed at the absurdity of all of this and told him it was like they were living in the Hunger Games or Divergent movies, he gave me a serious look to be quiet. He told me that I was a visitor and could leave and suggested I do just that. He warned that if I stayed too long, I would be stuck just like they were, unable to ever leave again.

He told me that those down the lane are the ones who knew the truth was out there, and they sought the truth, but they were caught and were now outcasts. They were too afraid to continue seeking the truth, but were also too afraid or unwilling to come back to society and live by the rules.

This whole scene baffled and angered me. I HAD to know the truth, even at the risk of getting stuck and not being able to leave.

I left my friend once again and jogged back down the narrow lane. I jogged past the outcast village and kept on jogging. Before I knew it, I was being chased by angry militant men in a giant black flying tank. The tank and the security soldiers were all shooting at me. At first, I was surprised that the man in charge of this militant group of security guards was an old friend and former boss. Then, I realized he, like so many others, was simply following orders. He was not ordered to kill me, but kill me he would if that was the only way he could stop me.

As I ran, I noticed everything around me turning red. I realized that I was standing in the blood of the martyrs, others who had come before me seeking the truth at all costs and losing their lives in consequence.

The next time I turned back around, I saw that my friends from the cowboy bar and a few from the outcast village were now following me. They were carrying wooden spears and arrows, weapons that would never come close to beating the enemy’s machine.

It was at this point that fear set in for the first time. I was not afraid when I ran into the outcast village. I was not afraid when I realized I was being pursued and shot at. I was not even afraid when I realized I was running through a field of blood.

The only thing that scared me was that people—those who only moments ago where too afraid to fight—were now running and fighting with me. They were following me. And because they were following me, some, if not all, would certainly lose their own lives in the field of the martyrs.

The voice of God called out to me. He said, “I am calling you to be a leader. I know you are scared. It is okay to be afraid, but I want you to know that it will be okay. No matter what happens, we will win.”

With this promise, I woke up.

 

At first, I was afraid God was calling me to be a missionary in some scary place and possibly become a martyr for Him.

Then, after prayer and seeing my dream through the lens of the Parable of the Sower, I realized He was simply calling me to step up and boldly chase after the truth. It goes back to the fear I had when the woman told me she saw Jesus in me. Being a spiritual leader is scary. What if I mess up? What if I lead people astray?

If I step up and become the leader He is calling me to be, others will follow me. Even now, others are following me. As long as I continually seek Him, seek His truth, I will not lead them astray.

Some of us may die as martyrs. Some of us may lose friends and family who cannot understand the choices we make. We may have to face tough decisions or scary life changes. Still, He promised that no matter what, in the end, we will win.

At first, I thought the dream was for me, a confirmation of His call on my life into full-time ministry. Maybe it was, but I think it was so much more than that. All of us who call ourselves Christians need to step up and lead. Others are hungry and ready to go, but they don’t know where to go or how to start. We must be bold and be willing to lead them to the truth.

 

Father, I pray that no matter what may come, I never stray from seeking the TRUTH.

Matthew 13: 18-23

¹⁸ “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: ¹⁹ When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. (the retirement community) ²⁰ The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. ²¹ But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. (the outcast community) ²² The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. (the cowboy bar) ²³ But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown (the me-character).”

Which path will you choose?

from the Hunger Games movie . . . a turning point for Katniss, the reluctant leader.

Fear Not and Live

I have done my prayers. Now I am just sitting here enjoying this beautiful morning. Enjoying the breeze on my face, hearing the birds sing and seeing my outside cats play.

I have been reflecting on a conversation I has yesterday with a friend. We got onto the subject of death. She said she was afraid of dying. I asked her why. She said she was afraid of being forgotten. I told her I was not afraid , and my only hope is that I had made a difference in someone's life, that I hoped someone found Jesus because of me, that I was looking forward to my cabin on the woods where I could walk with Jesus. 

 It made me stop and think how so many people I have talked to are afraid of dying. To me, death is part of life. That is the only thing that is certain in our lives. We do not know when that time will come and we should be ready, ready to go home and be with our Lord. We should enjoy life everyday. We should tell our loved ones we love them. We should use our best China, wear our favorite cloth. Do not save them for tomorrow. Enjoy life now. 

 Lord help me not waste the time I have left. Help me enjoy it as if it was my last day, for you alone know the time and the hour. Help me grow on love for you.

 

 

Works in Progress

This beautiful morning, I am enjoying my cactus garden. It is a work in progress. It started small and continues to grow. I am always on the lookout for new plants. I have been looking for an orchid cactus. 

 It made me reflect how we, too, are a work in progress; or we should be. We should always try to grow in our faith, in our love for God and each other. We should all try and be a better person.
Lord, help me be a better person. Help me see what it is I must change in order to serve you better.

Awe-Inspiring Love

On the way to church this morning, an awe-inspiring site in the sky compelled me to pull over and take it all in. I saw two layers of sky. Thick, dark, foreboding rain clouds inched closer and closer to the earth, blocking out the early daylight. Bright blue skies blanketed the earth just above the storm clouds.

 

As I stared in wonder at the site before me, I thought about life. How many times in my life have the suffocating clouds of pain, anguish, despair, or suffering blocked out the light? Yet, without fail, the light of Christ was never far behind.

 

This being Father's Day, I cannot help but think of the greatest Father of all, my heavenly Father. I am in awe of His love for me, an imperfect person loved with the most perfect love by the most perfect Daddy! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!

 

As wowed as I am by this humbling truth, my heart breaks for those who do not know this perfect love, for those so overcome by those dark clouds that they lose hope and forget about the light so close, of those who never realize the light is so close, for those so broken that they can't believe a perfect God could ever love them and call them son or daughter, for those who know they are His son or daughter, but forget that this greatest of gifts is a free gift that we don't have to work to earn.

 

Father, my prayer on this Father's Day is that all those stuck beneath the storm clouds of life remember Your love and light or discover Your love and light for the first time. I pray that love shine through the darkness of their day, giving them a hope to cling onto.

 

Father, on this Father's Day, I thank You for loving me. I am in awe of you. I am in love with you. Thank You for loving me more!



 

 

 

This picture does not do the real image justice.
Check out the left corner and the light coming from what looks like the bottom of the clouds,
but is actually above those clouds!
 

Don't Walk Away, Renee

I have been thinking a lot lately about something that happened to me back in 2003. My then husband and I moved back to Texas from Tennessee. In the brief time we were here before moving back to Tennessee, I worked as the ninth grade counselor at George Gervin Academy.

A woman who worked in the building across the street came to my office one day for the sole purpose of telling me that she saw Jesus in me. She said that He pressed it upon her heart that she needed to come tell me right then. She was obviously nervous, standing there in the threshold to my office, but she said it again. “When I look at you, I see Jesus.”

As quickly as she came, she turned and walked away. Her confession terrified me. “If only she knew,” I thought to myself. I felt ashamed and frightened.

I felt ashamed because I was not living for Jesus at the time. Sure, I knew who He was and I confessed Him as my Lord and Savior a long, long time ago. We had a relationship, but that relationship had cooled quite a bit.

At that time, my life and marriage were falling apart. I stopped praying because in order to pray, one must be willing and able to confront one’s life and emotions head on. I was unwilling to do so. Therefore, my relationship with God, like all the rest of my life, was suffering.

How could she tell me she saw Jesus in me? I had pushed Him so far away?

I felt scared because I knew what a huge responsibility calling myself a Christian meant. As they say, I may be the only Bible some people ever read. I was not a very accurate or trustworthy Bible to be reading at that time.

Instead of embracing the words that she intended as encouragement, I pulled further and further away from God. I remained in that darkness for several years.

Something terrifying and wonderful happened recently that set me on a course of faith and courage, something that will change my life once again. This something got me to thinking about this moment back in 2003 and how much I have grown spiritually since then.

I find myself running to Jesus instead of running away. I find myself wanting to be real and learn more and to be more.

For the first time in my life, I see how all the seemingly disjointed events in my life fit together, how all the struggles and hard times and pain led to this moment.

My life is a puzzle, and just like a puzzle, there is still work left to do, but I can now see the picture as it was intended to be.

Thank You, God, for every trial of my life, for the Job moments as well as for the moments of celebration. Thank You for never giving up on me even during those dark days when I turned my back on You.

Thank you for sending that woman to my office. Thank You for her faithfulness. I pray, Father, that I never forget and always strive to follow Your lead just as she did, no matter how absurd or scary Your call to action may seem to me. I may never know what one simple word or deed will mean in the life of that other person, but it is enough to remember what her one simple deed has meant for me.  

 

 

Simple Pleasures

Sitting here this beautiful morning. Have been watching our cat at play. I first saw Charlie, our older cat, walk by the yard with a field mice in his mouth. He walked to my rose garden and played with it. Then Joe, the younger cat, came to join him, and Charlie took the mice by the tree. Then, he laid down and just watched Joe play with the mouse. Joe was really having a wonderful time playing with it. Such a simple thing, yet it gave him so much joy. 

 It made me think of the simple times in my life, the times of my childhood. What do I remember most? The times our dad took us for a Sunday drive in the spring, and we picked wild flowers..

 

I think if most of us think back, we all remember the simple times, and I truly believe they were the happiest. 

 I hope our children are making wonderful memories for our grandchildren. I know they plan vacations, but I hope that they also use their imagination and do some simple, easy things, and some things that coat no money. Nature can provide so many opportunities. 

 Lord, thank You for all You have given me. Thank You for all the joys our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren give us. You are an awesome God.

 

 

Worry and Stress

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Matthew 6:27

Jesus tells us not to worry, to trust in God for all our needs. He assures us time and again that God knows what we need before we ask and that He loves us enough to meet our needs.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Matthew 25-34

With this assurance, why, then, do we continue to worry? Worry . . . stress . . . is a major health concern in our world today. Antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication, sales of alcohol and drugs, therapy – they all profit from worry.

Now, for the one who does not believe in Jesus, the search for a cure to dull the physical manifestations of worry makes sense. However, why do those of us who confess to know Jesus and who believe in Him and trust in Him, seek after the same remedies?

Do we secretly distrust our Lord and Savior? Do we doubt the validity of His promise? Do we convince ourselves that His salvation is for others, but not for us?

Or is it something more worldly? We believe Him and we believe in Him, but the evidence still speaks to the contrary. The truth of the matter is that some people in our world still lack the basic necessities of life; food, clothing, shelter. How do we reconcile God’s promise with what our eyes plainly see?

I don’t claim to have all the answers, but as a lifelong Christian who grew up with Jesus by my side, and who simultaneously struggled with depression, and who currently takes prescription medication for anxiety, may I suggest one or two causes?

In my case, my struggle with worry and stress stem from two main sources:

1.       Imperfection

2.       Lack of control

Because I am a Christian and have been since my youth, I struggle between knowing what is right and doing what is right. I often feel that since I know better, I should do better. Yet, time after time, I fail. I am habitually lazy and, as Paul said, “my spirit is willing, but my body is weak.”

This constant struggle between wanting to do right – whether with my prayer life, work, or taking care of my body – and not doing all I think or know I should do, I worry and stress about my life.

It is a vicious cycle.

I am, and have always been, a control freak. My need to remain in control of myself kept me from ever indulging in alcohol or drugs.

Although my need for control has saved me from some terrible paths, it has also hindered me from some wonderful adventures – love, friendships, experiences.

My need to know the next ten steps, the difficulty for me to walk on faith, causes undue anxiety and stress (and worry) in my life.

So, is there hope for someone like me? I believe there is hope for all of us.

For me, it is knowing my weaknesses, admitting my weaknesses, and praying often for help to overcome them.

For me, prayer is the key.

When I remain in close communion with God, the worries dim.

When I remain in close communion with God, I am able to forgive myself for my shortcomings because I know He forgives me.

When I remain in close communion with God, taking that step of faith is easier because His voice is clear and sure.

As Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:7 “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.” These struggles of mine may never cease, but when I remain in close communion with God, they become bearable because I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that He loves me and that His grace is sufficient for me because His power is made perfect in my weakness.

“I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Picture of the ruins of Corinth (taken by my mom during her recent Footsteps of St. Paul pilgrimage).