We had dinner with our daughter, Renee, a few days ago and she asked me why I have not posted anything. (I knew she wanted me to post so she could put it on the blog she created for us ). I really did not answer her. I just made a comment that she could post some of what I had written before.
I had been asked that same question a few time before, but I did not want to tell them the truth.
What was the real reason I had not posted? The answer- I have been spirituality blocked. I can say I was going through a very dark night. Oh, I have prayed my morning prayers, gone to mass, but I have felt drained. Me, who went to spiritual training, who directs others. Yes, I followed the directions I give to others. I knew that even though I did not feel Him, He was with me, that at times like these, He is closer to us.
But, I did not like the feeling. I tried listening to my music, being in nature, all the things that help me, but, nothing helped. I took a wonderful picture when we were in New Mexico of a cross made of snow. I would look at it for direction. I had wanted to use that picture for a reflection. I thought it would be a beautiful reflection, but I received nothing.
This morning, I woke up to sunshine on my face and decided to come outside, drink my morning coffee, and do my prayers. I decided to just sit in His presence. That was my prayer this morning.
As I was just being in His presence, a little bird came and sat on my rocker. ( I tired to take his picture, but he flew away. I should have thought of taking a selfie). It was as if the Holy Spirit was saying "Here I am. I have never left you."
As I sit here and reflect on all this, I believe that the Lord wanted me to experience this darkness, that I may be able to understand when others tell me they are going through a dark night.
It has been my winter, and now I can the spring.
At times like these, we must make sure that we do not give up. We must pray even more. We must spend time in His presence.
My Lord, thank You for being with me through this journey. I know You were always with me. I may not understand why I am experiencing those feelings, but I know You have a purpose. May I never loose sight that my purpose in life is to get closer to You and lead other You. Help me know what You want me to do. Help me in my journey in this life.
No comments:
Post a Comment