An Overnight Sensation

This afternoon, a friend complimented the significant progression of my spiritual and personal growth this past year. Considering where I was, emotionally speaking, exactly one year ago, it amazes me how far I have come. 

Yet, at the same time, I cannot help but to compare myself to so-called “overnight sensations”. Ever pay attention to the so-called “overnight sensation’s” response to being called an “overnight sensation”? It is usually some version of sarcastic reference to “overnight” taking (fill in the blank) number of years. 

I am no celebrity, but I do understand the sentiment. I have been making a conscious effort at improving myself for eight years and six months. However, it does seem as if the distance between progressive steps has gotten shorter and shorter in the past year. It feels like I stepped on an escalator three months ago and have been rising higher, faster ever since. I feel like an “overnight sensation” who has been working toward this goal for years and years and years.

I used an illustration of the journey of a Christmas ornament during my last sermon entitled, “Think About Joseph.” I am beginning to see myself and my own journey in this illustration. 

1.      The Firmly Routed Tree:

Imagine walking through a forest. What do you see? Everywhere you look, you are surrounded by big, majestic, firmly rooted trees. They are breathtakingly beautiful to behold. Their roots run deep. They are the glory of the forest. 

What happens when an ax swings its claws into the tree’s trunk? Chunk after chunk is carved out until the tree can no longer stand, and gracelessly topples over. 

That is what happened to me when my marriage unraveled. Who I thought I was – who I thought I wanted to be – came tumbling down with a giant thud. 

Joke – if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound? 

If you are that tree, it doesn’t matter what anybody did or did not hear. You felt the ax. You felt the impact of the fall. 

2.      The Piece of Wood:

Now, imagine becoming cut down from a majestic tree to a small piece of lumber or limb. Imagine resting in a pile with other lumber in a workshop or barn.

You think you have found a new purpose. Smaller, yes, but content, comfortable. Then, you are pulled down from your perch. You hear a saw whine in the distance. The sound grows louder and louder until the blade’s teeth bite through you, splitting you in two. Other tools, sharp, consistent beat you and chisel you and pound you and sand you. Over and over and over again. No relief in sight. No obvious purpose for the pain. 

For me, this constant and consistent beating was cancer, what happened between me and my best friend, losing two girls I loved like daughters, four years of looking for work and finding nothing permanent or sustainable, being called to ministry without being given direction – I can go on and on with all the seemingly pointless hurts and failures. The vulnerability. The shattered dreams. Feeling lost and alone and worthless. 

3.      The Wooden Ornament:

Finally, the woodworker lays down his tools. The project is complete. You, the once majestic tree with deep routs have been reduced to an object which can fit in the palm of a hand. But, one look in the mirror and you know all that pain and suffering was worth it. You see what you were destined to become. You see the reason for the ax and saw and all those other tools of the master woodworker. You have a new purpose. You will now decorate another tree. You have a new purpose, and you may no longer be what you once were, but you are once again majestic. 

Before my fateful phone call inviting me to begin the process of becoming a hospital chaplain, I consoled myself by reminding myself that I may never know my purpose. I took my cue from Abraham. God promised to make him a great nation, but he never lived to see the outcome of that promise. He simply believed. 

Sometimes, however, we are fortunate enough to be able to see the end result. Sometimes, God allows us to see the purpose of the axes and chisels in our lives. The phone call which set my new life in motion is not the end. I know that. There will be other axes and chisels in my life. There is still a lifetime of improvement and growth to be done, more “ornaments” to be made. 

However, I am fortunate to have been able to see the purpose of this particular journey – all the whys – I can look back at it all and almost all of it makes sense. I see its purpose in shaping me to be ready for that life changing phone call. 

I had a very hard day the other day. After work, I went to the store. As I was checking out, I thought to myself how much easier life would be if I just took a job at that store. The thought was fleeting because even before the thought was complete, I knew I would never be satisfied. The day was hard and I am sure harder days are in my future, but I am even more certain that I am where I belong. 

I am where I belong. Hmph . . . what a beautiful realization. 

I have spent most of my life searching for a place to belong. I cannot describe how wonderful it feels to finally be certain that I know my purpose – at least one of my purposes (I still have other hopes and dreams) – and to no longer feel lost. 

Hello. My name is Renee. I am a Christian and have loved Jesus for as long as I remember. Still, I have spent most of my life feeling lost. That dilemma, my friend, is not reserved for those who are spiritually lost. We God-fearing folk have our struggles, too! 

And, I think it’s okay to feel lost as long as we keep moving forward and don’t give up or give in. As my friend-mentor-father figure once told me, and I paraphrase, “Even when you can't see where you are going, keep putting one foot in front of the other and trust that the Rock is there.” 

Inspirational ornament courtesy of my very talented friend, Jimmy Lewis. 

Excuses, Fear, and Failure

As I read all the FB posts about New Year’s Resolutions, contemplate parts of my friend’s sermon this past Sunday, and think about all the conversations today surrounding the overindulgence of the holidays, I think of my own desires for change and why I have never been able to make these changes stick in the past. 

I go through the same routine each year – and sometimes multiple times throughout the year – but specifically during and after the holidays. I lack basic self-control when it comes to sweets. Make something yummy available to me, and I guarantee it will find its way into my mouth. Come January 1, I am ready to detox from the holiday sugar excess. 

Every year, I hope this year will be different – the year I begin eating like a grown-up. But, alas, it never happens. Why? 

As I journaled about this very topic this morning, I came up with three basic reasons why my “resolution” for a healthier lifestyle never comes to fruition. 

#1 – It is too easy to convince myself that I’m not really doing anything wrong. 

In essence, I convince myself that what I am doing by over-indulging in the wrong kinds of food and drink is not a sin. After all, it’s not like I’m hurting anyone. I’m not over weight. I’m not unhealthy (yet). It’s not like I’m a drunk or drug addict. Sound familiar? Anyone else keen on making excuses for their sin behavior? 

First of all, I must acknowledge that it is, indeed, a sin. Is it a sin to drink sodas or eat sweets? No. That, in and of itself is not a sin. However, when I am outright doing something I know God does not want me doing – when I am defiling my body, His holy temple – then, yes, I am absolutely sinning by being a sugar glutton. 

Now that the issue of whether or not my behavior constitutes a sin or not has been established, let’s consider the myths. “I am not hurting anyone.”

I am hurting myself. I know for a fact that my low energy level could be remedied, at least in part, if I gave up the sodas and ate healthier foods. I know this is true because when I ween myself off the sodas, I do not struggle to wake up in the mornings. I do not have as hard of a time getting going in the mornings. 

I eat to fill a void, not to fuel my body. What I am doing to my body is like pouring the wrong kind of liquid into a gas tank. The engine will eventually give out. I may be healthy now, but if I keep going the way I am going, I will end up with all kinds of health issues – diabetes, stroke, heart attack . . . Then, not only will I be hurting myself even more, but I will be hurting those I love – those who will worry about me, have to take care of me. I could even harm others who do not know me such as tax payers who would have to cover my medical expenses that I could not afford to pay. 

I think of Daniel. If someone told me I could eat like a king, I would be overjoyed. Not Daniel. He knew what the king’s food would do to him – how it would harm him. Daniel asked to be fed nothing but water and vegetables. The servant was afraid to give him such a meager diet, thinking Daniel and his companions would waste away, and the king would hold him responsible. After the time of trial, however, Daniel and his servants were healthier and stronger than all the others who ate the king’s food. 

I considered beginning the year with the Daniel fast. I had good intentions, but God knows me so well. He knew I would be more focused on the weight loss benefit of this challenge and not on the spiritual benefits. The Daniel fast would not have served me well – at least – not right now. 

I think of the story of Jesus cleansing the temple from those selling, turning His house of prayer into a robber’s den.  I know my body is God’s temple. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

I know how Jesus responded to the money changers who defiled the temple building. Therefore, based on the passage from 1 Corinthians, I would assume that He would react in a similar manner to the way I defile my body, also His holy temple. 

So, what I am doing by defiling my body with processed sugar is no different than what those selling goods for sacrifice at exorbitant rates did back then. 

What I am doing is, in FACT, a sin, and it is harmful to myself and others. 

#2 – Fear. 

I do not like vegetables. If I try to eat right, I’ll end up starving. That is my fear. I live in the most abundant, gluttonous country on the face of the planet, and I am afraid of going hungry? That, I know, is absolutely absurd. 

Reality – I can learn to like vegetables. I have heard others like me tell of their tastes changing the more their diet changed. Plus, there are vegetables I do like. And, I know how to blend them into a juice that is actually quite tasty. However, this kind of healthy eating requires thought and preparation. 

Reality – I am simply too lazy. I need to stop being so darn lazy, get off my duff, and start treating food as fuel and my body as a holy temple. 

I think of the song by Zach Williams “Fear” – “fear, he is a liar.” Now, those words are truth!

#3 – I try to do it in my own power.

This is my biggest downfall and why I can only do well for seasons at a time. Then, just like an alcoholic, I think I have it under control and can have just one without falling back into that trap. I drink one soda, then another, then another. Soda is my gateway drug. The more I drink, the more sugar I crave. 

1 Corinthians 10:13 is one of my favorite Bible verses. “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

Here’s the problem, I can never manage to remember that verse while in the throes of temptation. Satan is such a masterful manipulator. He puts thoughts into my head so randomly. Once they are there, it’s like a bull’s eye – like looking through a scope on a gun. Everything else becomes blurry. Only the target is clear. 

“A cone from QT would hit the spot right about now.”

“An iced cold Coca-Cola sure sounds good.” 

“I did (fill in the blank with a good deed or hard work) – I can reward myself with (fill in the blank).”

“What’s a movie without popcorn and a soda?”

“How can I go to Chick-fil-a and NOT get waffle fries?”

All seemingly simple, innocent thoughts, but the way my brain zeros in on those thoughts is not normal. I can think of nothing else and am convinced that I will not be able to rest until I meet that fleeting desire. 

Nothing God related even enters my mind while I’m on this abysmal trajectory. For this reason alone, my addiction to sugar is a sin. 

Side note – on my way to church this morning, I saw a billboard for an alcoholic beverage. The caption said something about giving into temptation. The name of the beverage was Devil something-or-other. Made me chuckle considering my journaling time with God just prior to driving past this sign. 

So, how could I possibly hope to make this year different than any other year? How do I combat that sneaky little Satan? How do I fight through the haze at the moment when these thoughts enter my mind? I am not foolish enough to think they will never happen again simply because I am now aware of them. They worked so well in the past. Why would Satan stop now? How can I pray 1 Corinthians 10:13 if I do not even have that text or God on my radar at times like these?

I must begin by prayer – arming myself for battle BEFORE these moments strike. My hospital chaplain mentor told me how he prepares himself each morning before beginning the day’s work. I made this prayer my own and it works. I need to use this prayer for this particular area of my life as well. 

Ephesians 6:10-17 – “Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

This must be my daily prayer if I am to win. I cannot do it in my own power. I have proven that time and time again. Only God can win this battle for me, but I must do my part – and my part begins by inviting Him into the battle.